


think you'd suit me fine

by lilybluee



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Blood, Curses, Feelings Realization, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 09:25:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19206544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilybluee/pseuds/lilybluee
Summary: in which hoseok is cursed and keeps vomiting blood.





	think you'd suit me fine

**Author's Note:**

> this is...  
> idk what this is, but anyway, warning for blood, like lots of it, might make you squeamish, i'm sorry

♡...

 

Hoseok is vacuuming his studio space when he starts coughing blood.

The room swims in frothy red. Hoseok, alarmed and a little wobbly, drops the vacuum cleaner, wrecks his shins into the desk, his small adorable mouse and expensive pair of headphones hitting the carpet in a silent cry.

The front of his white shirt is soaked through and through, and Hoseok feels something warm tickling down his sides and stomach, his mouth pooling scarlet like a fast moving river.

He dials him.

“Hoseok?”

The phone almost slips from his wet hand. “Oh, hey, Hyunwoo-ssi, are you busy now?”

“Just going through routine, need me in something?”

Hoseok turns his head and coughs six teaspoons of blood. He looks sadly at his poor cream colored carpet that has definitely seen better days. “I have a – _situation_ here, can you come get me? please?”

Hyunwoo almost starts hyperventilating at the scene.

No, scratch that. Hyunwoo starts hyperventilating so bad his knees give out and his lungs seize up. His hands shake relentlessly while inspecting Hoseok’s throat, probably looking for gruesome gashes and opened arteries.

“Oh god, oh god, Hoseokkie, stay with me, please please please-”

Hoseok reaches up for his hands. “Hyunwoo, I’m not dying.”

“You’ll be fine, you’ll be fine and we’ll get you blood transfusion, maybe one or two operations, some stitches, jesus-”

Hoseok cups Hyunwoo’s cheeks, all too aware of the way crimson is coloring his beautiful golden skin. Hyunwoo’s eyes are wild with panic.

“I am fine,” Hoseok says. “I am doing fine Hyunwoo, I really am.”

Hyunwoo starts shaking his head. “But you’re bleeding.”

“I’m purging, it’s different.”

Hyunwoo keeps his silence, furrowed brows and perspiration dotting his forehead.

“I’ve been hiding something for a moment, and I think now it’s time,” Hoseok says, nodding at the bloodied carpet. “Promise you’ll hear me till the end.”

Hyunwoo nods numbly. When he seems to be breathing normal again, Hoseok takes his hands back and immediately strips of the mangled shirt and remains half bare. He dabs at his chin and neck, at his stomach and his belly button, and grabs a mesh shirt hanging off the doorknob.

Hoseok tells him about his secret.

 

 

It went like this:

Blood thirsty ancestors hunting and feasting on humans and terrorizing the living to serious heights, and a string of curses fleeting the centuries and hanging onto each descendant like Angels of Death.

There was magick, once. Magicians more like, and creatures with fangs and paper thin skin and ruthless souls. The cost to wiping out over a third of the world’s population was heavy and the repercussions were palpable. Allied forces moved against his kin, stripped them of their immortality, stamped on them a curse that makes one pour all the blood that once belonged to those poor innocent souls.

Hoseok was seven when he witnessed his mother having her first purge, white silky gown soaking in a deep vivid red, nose and mouth continuously leaking. She held him close and kept him from calling an ambulance.

_baby, it’s okay, don’t be scared, mama is okay_

And that’s when Hoseok had the talk about weird ancestors ruining the fun for everyone. The curse came with age, and Hoseok had suspected his turn was near for some time. His mother had cautioned him that it’s sporadic and completely random, so Hoseok took it upon himself to always carry with him emesis bags and tissue boxes and some garlic because one can never be too prepared.

His mother would faint afterwards, blacking out for twenty four hours straight from something she used to describe as marrow deep exhaustion, her limbs so heavy it felt like they were pinned by marbles.

Hoseok gets her now.

Also, Hyunwoo doesn’t seem to be doing well.

“Hoseokkie, is this a bet? Did Changkyun trick you into another bet? Don’t joke about this, it’s not funny.”

“I’m not joking, how would that benefit me?”

“If you’ve fallen sick or something, just say it. In fact, we should probably get you to the hospital, you’re still bleeding.”

 Hoseok wipes at his mouth with a sleeve, which results in blood smudging across his cheek and jaw. Hyunwoo seems more horrified. “This is seriously not funny.”

“Please, just this once, believe me just this once Hyunwoo,” Hoseok pleads. He’s getting lightheaded, and he knows it won’t be long before his body starts shutting down.

Hyunwoo inhales deeply. After some time, he nods and Hoseok kisses his cheek for being such a wonderful understanding hyung. He’s monsta x’s pillar for a reason.

When Hoseok stops coughing blood for good, Hyunwoo helps him clean up the mess and make the studio have less of a crime scene allure. Hoseok takes his ruined white shirt, wets carefully the intact hem with a water bottle and wipes the dried blood from Hyunwoo’s cheeks. Hyunwoo does the same with his chin and throat.

They roll together the carpet and put it away by a corner to come pick it up later. Hoseok doesn’t know how they’ll manage to get it washed without being framed for murder. They open the windows before they leave the studio and get a cab. Hoseok’s eyelids put on weight almost immediately, and Hyunwoo lends him a shoulder and an arm to prevent him from lurching forward at unexpected brakes.

Hoseok just kind of slides into a bottomless sleep.

 

 

Something tickles him awake.

Hoseok groans gravely and tries not to jostle his guests too much while stretching. Jooheon’s kittens sit sleeping on his chest, warm and purring and adorable, comforting like a balm to a wound, like lemon honey to a sore itchy throat, like Hyunwoo’s presence in moments of uncertainty and serious panic.

It takes him only a moment to understand that this is the next day on an evening, and Jooheon is curled asleep beside him just as tight as his precious babies. He’s also holding his hand, fingers loosely slotted with Hoseok’s. Hyunwoo must have told them he fell sick. Jooheon always makes it his life mission to keep an ill-Hoseok company in his otherwise lonely one person bedroom.

The door cracks open a fraction. Someone turns on the lights and Hoseok gets momentarily blinded.

“Hyung!” Changkyun cries and stumbles on his way to jump on him. The kittens startle awake and Jooheon gets ambushed by Changkyun’s trashy limbs. “You’re alive, hyung that was such a long interlude!”

“Careful, careful.”

“Oops.” Changkyun giggles, both his arms around Hoseok’s torso. Gucci and Yoshi stare on sleepily in kitten stupor. Jooheon looks just as confused. Hoseok does his best to hug him back with one arm since his other one is cushioning Jooheon’s head.

“Hyunwoo hyung carried your unconscious body yesterday. That was our biggest fright yet,” Changkyun says. “Seriously hyung, what the fuck?”

“Language.”

“Seriously hyung, what the heck? We thought you died.”

Hoseok huffs. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“You’ve been out of it a whole night then a whole day, what type of psychedelics were those?”

Hoseok knocks on his skull, and Changkyun yelps and laughs. It takes him a moment, but Jooheon’s receptors finally tune in. Gucci rubs her small head into Hoseok’s jaw, stretches in the small space and returns to her nap. Yoshi rests by the end of the bed, already out.

“Heathen, you disturbed my babies,” Jooheon croaks while rubbing his eyes. He sits up and Hoseok gets immediately a rush of nipping ants down his numb arm.

“You’ve been with Hoseokkie most of today, don’t be selfish, I haven’t seen him for over twenty hours,” Changkyun says.

“Kids, sharing is caring, there’s enough of me for everyone, don’t fight,” Hoseok says, a little too pleased with the discourse at hand.

Changkyun sits too and starts patting Gucci’s soft coat. “You know what I’ve realized yesterday, hyung?”

Hoseok turns his head at that.

Changkyun smiles something evil. “You would make such a great disney princess, I’ve never seen someone unconscious in such a graceful way.”

To Hoseok’s absolute horror, Jooheon nods along. “The way his head was snapped back was the jackpot for me,” he says.

“I almost thought Hyunwoo hyung was about to kiss his neck for theatrical reasons, who the hell faints like that?”

Hoseok almost combusts.

Hyunwoo walks in on them bickering. At the sight of Hoseok’s flushed face, he grips Jooheon’s nape with one hand, Changkyun’s with the other, hold tight and unforgiving.

“So you decided to be bullies today, I see,” Hyunwoo says with a serious voice, but he almost immediately cracks a smile. “How are you holding, cotton man?”

Hoseok smiles back. “Doing good, just hungry.”

“Cotton man, that’s brilliant,” Changkyun says. “Cotton looks big and dense from a distance, but actually it’s soft and light and used for treating wounds, which explains Hoseokkie hyung having a super buff exterior but a super gentle interior. Hyunwoo hyung, you’re a genius.”

Hyunwoo shakes his head.

Changkyun turns to Jooheon and chats him up on their way out. “No really, has a description ever fit him so well? Cotton, pale and soft and wholesome and-”

The door clicks shut behind them.

Hyunwoo’s eyes fill with concern. “How are you really doing? Is your throat okay? Are you still light headed?”

Hoseok coughs experimentally. It comes out a little scratchy, and there’s still a metallic aftertaste clinging to his gums. Hoseok gets also hit by a wave of hunger so strong he almost starts retching on an empty stomach. He abandons his bed to put on some sweats and a hoodie, and Hyunwoo places carefully Yoshi beside her sister for fear of having her clumsily tumbling to the floor.

Hyungwon, Kihyun and Minhyuk are still absent for a reality show they were invited to as guests. Hyunwoo steals the car keys from their manager’s coat, takes the driver seat, Hoseok the passenger one, and together they pull out and head to their favorite restaurant for a very much needed grand meal with colorful dishes.

Hoseok never ate so good in his life.

 

 

“Will you be telling the rest about your little secret?” Hyunwoo asks, eyes on the road and windshields wheezing with the pitter patter of the rain. Hyunwoo is the careful kind of driver. Too careful, at times. Too nice when jerks cut him off on his own lane. Hoseok wants to cuss them to hell and back.

“Maybe not now, I have a feeling you’re still in disbelief yourself.”

Hyunwoo chuckles. Hoseok’s lips twitch into a smile. It’s night and dark, and the road is fully soaked. Hoseok ‘s tired eyes shift to his lap, where his phone buzzes.

_you both rude kids are grounded, tell hyunwoo to not wreck my car it cost me a whole lung_

Hoseok only laughs. “Hongsik is mad.”

“Let him, I tried asking nicely once and he refuted as if I demanded both his kidneys and a still beating heart,” Hyunwoo says. “Speaking of which, should I start calling you Dracula from now on?”

Hoseok huffs gently. “Well technically, that would be wrong because I’m spitting blood and not drinking it.” He fiddles with his sleeves and he just now notices how the hoodie feels a little baggier on his frame. It’s definitely Hyunwoo’s. The smell is also different, woody and fresh. “A reverse -vampire? An anti-vampire?”

“Hoseok seems fine to me.”

“Thank you, Hyunwoo,” Hoseok says softly, something vulnerable lacing his words. “You have no idea how relieved I am to have you with me, I’m really grateful, thank you, really.”

Hyunwoo squeezes his thigh, and it’s all the reassurance Hoseok needs.

 

 

Food starts tasting weird.

“No really, taste this, I think it’s gotten bad.”  

“Hyung, it tastes fine,” Hyungwon laments with bleary eyes and frizzled bed hair. His lips seem (suspiciously) swollen today, and Hoseok would have jabbed more for details, but this milk tastes like an egg gone seriously bad. Like, _seriously_ bad.

“Just try it again, please.”

Hyungwon groans. “I’m telling you, it’s fine.”

“Good morning, what’s wrong?” Kihyun says in a semi-whisper, his voice wounded and raw from overuse. Luckily, they have a whole week off, enough time for them to catch up on some sleep and put on some weight and rest sore ankles and tired vocal cords, (and maybe, just maybe get laid too).

Hoseok starts getting concerned when Kihyun gulps a whole glass of milk in one go, hardly reacting the way Hoseok hoped he would, as in, hurling the glass at the wall in disgust, or dumping the whole jug in the trash.

He tries a sip again and almost spills his guts in the kitchen at eight in the morning directly on Hyungwon’s bare feet. While doubled over, Hoseok’s eyes zoom in on Hyungwon’s inner thigh.

“That’s such a nasty bruise, where did you get it?”

Hyungwon’s panic is so misplaced at that moment, and Hoseok thinks –he thinks he gets it, so he just waves a hand and moves around Hyungwon to run for the bathroom for some actual real vomiting.

“Hyung, it’s eight in the morning, why are you kissing the toilet lid first?” Changkyun grunts from the door.

Some time later, Hoseok locks the door to his room and calls his mother.

“I cannot believe that my own mother, my flesh and blood, my one dear parent, would betray me so, why didn’t you say anything?”

She _giggles_. Oh, my god, Hoseok is in trouble.

“So which part is it? The fatigue? The canines? The food?” It sounds like she’s chanting.

Hoseok’s eyes widen. “The canines? Wait, am I growing fangs?” 

“Maybe,” she says in airy delight.

Hoseok does not get the punch line.

“Mom, this is not funny, milk tastes like moldy egg, water has acquired a certain taste too, but it’s bearable. What else am I gonna have to give up?”

“Ramen.”

Hoseok, honest to God, gets tears in his eyes.

“I’m joking, ramen will change from good to better, it’s your favorite,” she says. “You might as well give up on dairies, they’ll wreck your stomach lining and give you diarrhea for weeks. Spicy will taste sweet, and sweet will taste sour, and sour will make you want to chop off your own tongue, it’s that bad. I once had a lime and blacked out because it felt like I bit on a bar soap.”

Hoseok sniffles in great relief. “Fine, fine, what about meat?”

“It’ll pretty much stay the same, but you might start craving it more, a little raw too. Stay away from coke and alcohol, they’re too harsh for you, it’s only water and caffeine from now on, you hear me Hoseokkie.”

Hoseok nods to himself. This is the saddest day of his life. This is the tragedy of his youth. This is his nightmare stepping outside a bubble, punching him in the taste buds and spitting on his food.

The rest of the conversation stirs to words of caution from his mother; _make sure to always be in a safe space, preferably your room, the fatigue is almost instant, don’t go ham on spicy food just because the spiciness will no longer affect you, eat your greens, spinach is your best friend, fruit won’t taste good anymore I’m sorry, don’t puke blood on anyone and scar them mentally, I did that once to you and now here we are. be careful hoseok, be careful be careful, and oh, stop bleaching your hair I can hear your scalp weeping!_

Hoseok decides to sleep the day off.

 

 

He begs Hyunwoo to cook him ramen that night.

“I need some moral support, please don’t go yet,” Hoseok immediately blurts when Hyunwoo pushes the still boiling noodles in his way, chopsticks clattering softly with the table.

Hyunwoo indulges him and grabs a chair. “Well, your mom did tell you that ramen will only get better, you probably shouldn’t have anything to worry about.”

They spent the whole afternoon taste-testing (on hoseok’s part), and charting (that’s hyunwoo) through locally bought, locally grown veggies and fruits, and Hoseok had cried through most of it. Nothing tastes the same anymore, and it’s like he’s learning to eat proper solid food all over again. Strawberries and pineapples, his most beloved, burned his tongue and gave him a semi permanent sneer, so now he sits munching on a carrot like a grumpy bunny, not daring to touch the steamy noodles yet.

“Come on, dig in before it gets cold,” Hyunwoo instructs gently.

“What if, what if it tastes bad? What if my will to live completely vanishes after this? Hyunwoo-ssi, I don’t want to die.”

“Do you want me to hold your hand? Would that help?”

“Yes, please.”

So Hyunwoo holds his hand and feeds him with his other one, chopsticks held tight between careful digits while he blows to ward off some heat. Hoseok closes his eyes to whisper a silent prayer, hand squeezing Hyunwoo’s, before he opens his mouth.

Hoseok, for the umpteenth time that day, gets tears in his eyes.

Hyunwoo frowns in worry. “Are you okay?”

Hoseok sniffles. “This is the best thing that I’ve ever had in my entire miserably laughable life.”

Hyunwoo drops his frown to replace it with a pleased smile. He transfers the chopsticks to Hoseok’s fingers, and Hoseok takes a mouthful, then another, and another. He feeds the last remaining bite to Hyunwoo.

“It tastes ordinary to me,” Hyunwoo says.

“It tastes like victory and a good self-esteem, like wow, I feel something mending in me, Hyunwoo.”

Hyunwoo laughs, a very soft thing. “Well, I’m glad this still worked out for you. Do you want me to get you another serving?”

Hoseok nods his head vigorously. Hyunwoo chuckles before he stands up and returns to the stove.

 

 

Hoseok gets awoken from his nap by tapping on his back and tickles to his sensitive sides.

“Hyung, you are crushing my ribs,” Kihyun whimpers in his ear.

Right. They were practicing their new choreography and made it back home with achy joints and foggy brains. Kihyun collapsed on the couch, and Hoseok collapsed on top of him before they both blacked out. It’s been three hours.

“Holy shit,” Kihyun curses softly, “Hyung, get up get up get up, I have somewhere to go.”

Hoseok gets rudely thrown to the side when Kihyun manages to finally free himself from his tight snaky grip. Kihyun tries to reach for his phone resting on the coffee table, but his foot catches onto the edge of the carpet which very unfortunately leads him to a bone-shuddering fall. Kihyun drops like a corpse, his teeth very nearly missing glass.

“Oh my god.” Hoseok is up in a second.

Kihyun winces with a tiny whispered _‘ow.’_ His phone buzzes then and he reaches blindly for it, his face planted still into the carpet.

Hoseok tries and fails to hold his laughter.

“Don’t laugh I’ll kill you,” Kihyun brings his phone to his ear, “hi, hey Mingyu I’ll be there in ten minutes I promise I’m so sorry I forgot to set an alarm, oh god that hurt, I’m really sorry I’m not bailing on you I swear.”

Hoseok shakes off the last of his smiles- _this is serious his friend almost broke his teeth on glass for fucks sake_ \- and helps Kihyun up.

His cheek is just a tiny bit raw from friction, so Hoseok kisses his small injury because he believes in the healing powers of love.

“I call bullshit, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

Hoseok pouts. “Rude.”

Kihyun bolts upstairs to his room and emerges three minutes later looking more put together with brushed hair and ripped jeans and a spiky choker. His eyes are also lightly lined, a touch of dusty pink blush over his slowly bruising cheeks.

Hoseok blinks. “How the hell-”

“Bye hyung, don’t wait for me, I’ll be home late,” Kihyun says as he picks his keys and wallet, and steals chapstick from Hoseok’s pocket.

“Why are you in such a hurry? It’s just Mingyu I believe, not someone waiting for you on a date.”

Kihyun smiles coyly, and the door clicks shut behind him.  

Hoseok thinks –he thinks he gets it. Again.

 

 

“I can feel you judging me, this is for nostalgic reasons and nothing else, I swear.”

Hyunwoo drops his gym bag and heaves a long sigh. He joins Hoseok on the couch. “Why would I be judging you? Just because a vast majority of people dislike this movie doesn’t mean you have to dislike it as well.”

Just then, Muse’s _Supermassive Black_ _Hole_ starts playing. Hoseok gets flooded with memories. It’s been years since he last heard this song, since he last watched Twilight, really.

“Even those people can’t hate on the soundtrack,” Hyunwoo says. “Like this scene is a cinematic masterpiece, what the hell.”

“I just wish they focused more on the side characters,” Hoseok says. Emmette and Edward then jump to catch the ball and they clash in air. “That big dude was literally the reason I started hitting the gym. He looks so good, my seventeen year old self wanted to be him.” And to be with him, but Hoseok wont’ touch on that for now.

Hyunwoo smiles and leaves for a quick shower. Hoseok stays glued in his spot, his goldfish snack that has (very fortunately) kept the same taste, long gone. The movie goes on. Hoseok zones out through most of it. Something shuffles the fake plants behind him and Hoseok’s throat jumps to his mouth and clinks with his teeth.

“ _Fuck_ , sorry.”

“Jesus, Hyungwon I’ll kill you.” Hoseok scrambles up and hurries to turn on the lights, and there he is, the long lanky goofball, hugging their adorable fake tree timmy and preventing it from hitting the floor. “You idiot, what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to save timmy, a little help, please?”

They haul the tree back to its place, and Hoseok pats the wrinkled leaves with a sad pout. Hyungwon adjusts his shirt and checks on the state of his hair that still looks fluffy and soft. He is not in his pajamas, neither is he wearing his thick rimmed glasses. His perfume is thick and heavy it makes Hoseok sneeze.

“Were you trying to sneak out?”

Hyungwon shakes his head. “No? Yes? I don’t know, I’m not sure.”

Hoseok looks him up and down. “You know what, do whatever you want, I don’t care.”

Hyungwon’s relief shows on his face. Hoseok returns to the couch and watches him slip his shoes on and grab a scarf and his keys. He comes to almost closing the door before he opens it again and says, “Hyung, you’ve been awfully restrictive with your diet lately, let loose more, you don’t need to drop weight.”

Hoseok doesn’t get his chance to answer before the door closes once more.

 

 

It turns out, Hoseok cares very, very much.

“I mean, if he’s dating someone then good for him, I guess?”

“Hyunwoo, this feels different, all of us knew about his ex-girlfriend, he even brought her home a couple times, this…he’s hiding this, whatever this is, he tried sneaking out yesterday as if we’re his parents and not his goodest frien-”

Hyunwoo cuts him off by jerking him by the collar, and a car speeds by so fast they get whiplashed with dust and road dirt. Hoseok coughs and rubs his eyes. Hyunwoo just keeps frowning at the retreating sonic car, clearly annoyed.

“What an asshole,” Hoseok grumbles. “Thank you for saving my life, otherwise I wouldn’t have survived that.”

Hyunwoo sighs. “You should be more careful with your surroundings.”

“Sorry,” Hoseok says. Hyunwoo puts an arm around his shoulders before they attempt crossing the road again. It stays there, and Hoseok feels an explainable rush of heat to his spine. “Anyway, as I was saying, Hyungwon is being suspicious, and I don’t like it one bit.”

“We can always ask him, we don’t really have to do this.”

“Yes, but he won’t say anything.”

“How do you know tha-”

“Quick, Hyunwoo hide!”

The blurry figure turns around the same time Hoseok pushes Hyunwoo inside a very narrow alley. Hyunwoo ends up stumbling back and falling to the ground, and Hoseok tumbles after him in a domino effect. His head ends up in the crook of Hyunwoo’s neck, but his knees take a serious blow. Hyunwoo holds his forearms to steady him.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

 “Sorry, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine, stop apologizing.”

Hoseok’s knees give him great agony when he tries to stand up, but he brushes that off and limps over to peek at their target.

Hoseok can’t believe his eyes.

“Oh my god.”

“What, what?” Hyunwoo joins him, head just an inch above Hoseok’s, in the same crouching position. An old woman looks at them curiously before she saunters down the street, but the only thing Hoseok can focus on is the way Hyunwoo’s breath stutters for a long painful second. “Are you sure that’s him?”

“Hyunwoo, that’s my baby pink cardigan he’s wearing, I can recognize it in my dreams.”

They just keep watching their bandmate hugging close someone a little taller, a little wider, a little–

“I mean, he hasn’t always been the straightest one amongst us,” Hyunwoo says, “but that man, he’s, how to put it nicely, he’s-”

“Too _old_ ,” Hoseok says with little disdain and so much concern.

Hyunwoo nods. “Hyungwon is like, twenty five? That man must at least be in his forties.”

Hyungwon scans the street with a quick glance before he pushes up and plants a brief kiss on the man’s lips. Hoseok gasps loudly, and Hyunwoo, panicked, claps a hand on his mouth and drags him back. He falls between Hyunwoo’s legs.

“ _Shhh_.”

“Sorry sorry,” Hoseok whispers.

They hear revving of a very loud engine and squeaks of tires against asphalt. The night falls quiet except for two frantic heartbeats and an impending headache that is taking root between Hoseok’s brows.

Then, out of nowhere, Hyunwoo releases a laugh. “This is the most surreal night of my life.”

Hoseok rests back on Hyunwoo’s chest. “I’m surprised you tagged along in the first place.”

“You made it seem like a life or death situation, and now I see why.”

Hoseok grimaces. “I don’t really care about his taste in men, or women for that matter, I just want him to be safe, you know. That dude is probably twice his age, I’m mad concerned about that idiot.”

“How could he be so careless and kiss a man on the streets? Does he want us jobless? This country is not forgiving, he should’ve known better,” Hyunwoo says, a little gravely, tone reproaching.

Hoseok feels bad, feels like he’s the one getting scolded. “For now, let’s just keep this for us, no need to pressure him into talking.”

A pause stretches for fifteen seconds before Hyunwoo sighs and agrees to the same.

 

 

That night, Hyungwon sneaks into his bed.

Hoseok shrieks like a baby mouse, thinking his angle of death is paying him a visit.

“Hyung, it’s just me wonnie, don’t punch me.”

Hoseok just now realizes that he had raised a fist, Hyungwon’s hand keeping it an inch away from his face. The room is dark, but Hoseok still catches Hyungwon’s tired eyes under the moonlight. He sighs and drops his arm. “What’s wrong? Something happened?”

“Yes, something definitely happened,” Hyungwon takes a deep breath, then, “I’m dating someone who’s rich and has a nice car and is forty five and clean shaven ninety percent of the time, but his stubble still makes my chin itchy when he kisses me a little too deep or when he thinks it’s funny to nuzzle my neck because my giggles sound like Kermit the frog at times, and a loud screaming elephant at others, not that I take offense, he’s lovely, I very much love him actually, he who is a man and is forty five and I sneak outside the dorm without anyone looking to meet up with him every other day-” Hyungwon cuts off to fill his deprived lungs.

Hoseok groans. “Oh god, this can’t be happening, can’t this wait until tomorrow? It’s three in the morning.”

“Hyung, do you have a problem with me dating a man?”

“Of course not you fucking gremlin, what nonsense are you spewing.”

Hyungwon’s shoulders droop as if something heavy just skittered off his back. Hoseok somehow gets gutted with that reaction. He takes Hyungwon’s hands, who just lets him and shifts his sad gaze down to the bed sheets.

“What made you think so?” Hoseok asks carefully. “Were my words ever insensitive? Please tell me.”

Hyungwon shakes his head. “I caught you and Hyunwoo hyung stalking me earlier, so I just assumed-”

“Wonnie, we’re not concerned because you’re dating a man, heck I’ve dated men too, that’s not the issue here.”

Hyungwon brings his eyes up again, wide and in disbelief.

Hoseok squeezes his hand. “It’s just, that man is old enough to be your father, it doesn’t sit right with us.”

“He’s never mistreated me before, or has done anything against my consent, ever,” Hyungwon says. “He’s a fun dude, and I have a lot fun around him, is that bad?”

“No, absolutely not, I’m glad you’re having fun, but twenty years of difference is a _little_ much.”

“Can’t you give him a chance at least? Please, for my sake, and I promise to be careful.”

Hoseok falls silent for a few seconds. Hyungwon is a grown man who is capable of taking care of himself, so the choice is no one’s but his. Hoseok can only trust his judgment and hope for the best.

“Okay, fine, if he makes you happy then that’s all that matters, I guess.” Hyungwon beams like a small piece of sunshine. Hoseok stares in awe. He really hopes this is going to work out for him.

“Also, stop kissing men in public.” He adds. “What if the press catches you and blasts your name on national tv? Do you want all of our efforts to evaporate in flames? Couldn’t you just take a step back and think for once?”

Hyungwon purses his lips. “It was one time, and I felt a little daring, sorry, it won’t happen again.”

“It better not, or Hyunwoo and I will personally get your head handed to you, literally.”

“That’s a very gruesome image you just painted in my mind right now.”

“Good, let that flash through your eyes whenever you’re out with prince charming.”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes, but when Hoseok scoots over to give him more space, he quickly lies down beside him, eyelids growing heavy with sleep. Hoseok threads fingers through his disheveled hair, breathing even and languid, and he starts drifting off until Hyungwon’s piercing voice in an otherwise dead silent room brings him back.

“What?” he stammers.

“I said, what’s that thing you’ve been hiding?”

“For the love of everything holy Hyungwon, go to sleep, it’s close to four.”

“Are you terminally ill?”

At that, Hoseok sobers up. “What are you talking about?”

Hoseok feels him shrugging into the bed sheets. “There was a lot of blood on that white shirt you put in the laundry. I thought you had a nose bleed at first, but it didn’t make sense because it was too much, that shirt was literally soaked.”

“I cut open my knee.”

“Liar, you have no scar tissue on any part of your body. It can only be an internal injury.”

Hoseok decides he’s too tired for this.  “I’m not dying anytime soon, don’t worry.”

“Just tell me the truth, Hyung.”

“It’s too absurd, you won’t believe it.”

“Try me.”

So Hoseok recounts his ancestors’ history and his family history and that day Hyunwoo almost fainted at the great amount of blood he had to witness spilled everywhere. Hoseok also brings up his new issues with food in a very sad, mourning voice.

“I’m so sorry Hoseokkie, this is really tragic,” Hyungwon says after a while.

“You’re taking this better than I thought, how?”

Hyungwon shrugs again. He pulls the blanket from around his waist to his shoulders, and Hoseok gets hit in the face with the soft fabric.

“My friend from Gwangju was like you. He, unfortunately, puked on me once and I’ve been in shock since.”

Hoseok bursts into laughter and Hyungwon hits his arm. “It’s not funny, I’ve developed a fear of blood because of him.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve had the same happen to me with mom, I was eight, or maybe nine, and she just coughed blood like a zombie,” Hoseok says.

“You sweet child,” Hyungwon says. “I’m glad to hear you’re not dying, though.”

“Glad to be alive, now I beg you, go to sleep, our schedules start as early as six.”

They sleep for what feels like ten minutes before Kihyun comes barging at the door.

 

 

The second purge hits him a little different.

Hoseok’s chest burns him this time, and not like a light scratch or warm water at the first stages of boiling. This feels like having his flesh shredded to tiny pieces on a sharp grater, pressure tight and heavy on his ribcage with unending blood flowing in hazard streams. He grips the edge of the tub and coughs through the pain, his ears singing, his vision blurry with fog.

He hears knocks on the bathroom door, and soon Hyunwoo is by his side with a pile of towels and kitchen rags.  

“You okay there?”

Hoseok gives him blindly a thumps up before he doubles over and retches vivid scarlet.

“This feels, this feels worse than last time, it’s like I’m catching flame,” Hoseok struggles to say.

Hyunwoo drops the towels in the sink and crouches to his level to put his hair up in a small bun. Hoseok had even plans to get it dyed and cut today, and then to head out with all the members for supper. He’s so bummed out that a second wave of tears hits him.

“I’m sorry, I had to ruin it for everyone.”

“Don’t say that, your health comes first,” Hyunwoo berates him lightly. He takes a towel from the sink and starts wiping Hoseok’s chin, then moves it to his throat and down to his clavicles, holds it there against Hoseok’s bare chest. The towel starts dripping red.

“I can’t even tell them the truth, and now I’m making them unnecessarily worried.”

“Hyungwon is handling the situation, have some faith in him.”

Hoseok opens his mouth, but instead more blood pools out and drips on Hyunwoo’s hand. Hyunwoo reaches for another towel.

“This is so gross, I’m so gross,” Hoseok spits.

“It’s fine, we’ve all been injured before, we all have seen what blood looks like before.”

“This is different, it belonged to innocent people, this is so messed up.”

“Innocents who are dead now, and you had nothing to do with any of it. Their sin is not yours, their mistakes are not yours, please don’t blame yourself.”  

Hoseok sobs and vomits blood, and Hyunwoo can only hold him with an arm circling his chest to comfort him and keep him from slipping forward into the toilet bowl.

Thirty minutes later of heaving and crying, Hyunwoo helps him clean up the mess and seals the soiled bloody rags in a plastic bag to wash them later. 

Hoseok takes a shower of five minutes before he drops like a caterpillar on his bed. Hyunwoo adjusts the warm blankets around him, slow and careful when he runs his hand through Hoseok’s damp hair. Hoseok whispers a small ‘thank you’ before the fatigue claims him.  

 

 

When Hoseok finally emerges, it’s to muddy dampened limbs and a desert sun grilling his throat on a pan. He croaks like an ostrich and the room shudders.

Also, his arms are _too_ heavy.

“Uh, someone? Anyone?”

It’s semi-dark, but he instantly recognizes Minhyuk’s super sweet flowery perfume that makes him want to bury himself in a casket ten feet deep in fertile soil. It hurts his nose, which always immediately results in easily prevented headaches if Minhyuk could just forgo his one of many terrible tastes and spare Hoseok’s poor olfactory senses.

He moves his right arm an inch. Minhyuk jumps awake and screeches like a siren. “We’re in danger! Hyung! Wake up!”

“Shut up, you’re hurting my ears.”

Minhyuk’s eyes clear up slowly. He takes a quick look around the room and outside the window before they shift them back to Hoseok and the other lump covered from head to toe and sleeping still on Hoseok’s left arm. A lump that is most definitely not Changkyun who wouldn’t have survived Minhyuk’s siren thanks to his misophonia.

“So, it’s either a corpse or Hyungwon, make your bet,” Hoseok says.

“Cute of you to assume they’re not the same thing,” Minhyuk says and tries to comb his hair with his fingers from a hen’s spiky tail to something adhering to gravity’s pull. His newish whale tattoo is on full display, occupying currently his left knee and adding a gram or two of jealousy to Hoseok’s tattoo-deprived soul. It looks better than anyone could ever have anticipated.

Hoseok tries to move his arm again, but the lump hardly reacts and sleeps through the prodding and the nudging.

“Minhyukkie, I can’t feel my arm, I think I’ll have to get it cut.”

“Try again.”

Hoseok retreats it, slowly, carefully, and Minhyuk immediately snatches away the covers and leaves Hyungwon’s long legs bare to the cold nipping air.

“Wake up you annoying leggy tortoise,” Minhyuk yells and slaps his thigh, and he would’ve slapped his other one if it weren’t for something dotting them like red stamps on canvas.

Minhyuk looks like he just got splashed with cold ass water. “Oh wow, okay, great, fuck.”

Hoseok looks at him, then looks at Hyungwon, that fucking idiot who keeps wearing short shorts as if he has nothing to hide from the general mass, even if that general mass consists of four bandmates (apparently three now) and two managers that would flay him alive if something like this gets out.

“Hyungwon, wake up!” Hoseok pushes him with his foot a little harder. He falls off the bed and into the warm embrace of the floorboards, covers following his trail.

“He’s getting laid,” Minhyuk articulates slowly, eyes still wide.

“ _Shhh_ ,” Hoseok hisses.

“Hyungwon. Is getting. LAID!”

Hoseok wraps a meaty hand around his wrist and brings him down. Hyungwon makes his appearance and they both smother him into the sheets, hands bound behind his back.

“Why are you always so loud?” Hyungwon says, exasperated, eyes only halfway opened.

“Umfff mphhfmmff-”

“What?”

Minhyuk turns his head. “You don’t get to do this to us, your brothers, absolutely not, you hear me hyungwon, you don’t get to be the only one unwinding in that way, that’s treason, I’ll have your head on a spike, I’ll have your balls tucked to your ass, I’ll scream my lungs out and have the neighbors call the cops and it’s gonna be messy from here on and we’ll all end up in jail I swear-”

Hyungwon holds him by his chicken hair and thrust his face back into the mattress.

“What the fuck?” 

Hoseok slaps Hyungwon’s shoulder with his still functioning, ant-free arm. “That’s your mistake, stop baring your hickeys like trophies or some shit.”

“These keep riding up my thighs, what do you want me to do?” Hyungwon whines.

“Wear pants or a maxi skirt or a trash bag or whatever, anything but shorts.”

“Changkyun gets to walk around naked, I wake up with his dick between my eyes, how is that fair?”

“That’s because Changkyun doesn’t have a sugar daddy!”

Hyungwon gasps, and Hoseok slaps both his hands on his mouth, as if that would coax the spilled words to return home and seal themselves in.  

There’s no stopping him now, Minhyuk screams like a banshee and flails like a whale washed ashore.

 

 

It takes them a while (read: forty five minutes), but they manage to strap him down and punch some sense into his head.

“You hear me Minhyuk, absolutely no one has to know about this,” Hyungwon says.

“Yes, I’ve heard you once, I’ve heard you thrice, can I leave now? I need to pee.”

“I need a verbal confirmation, this is very, very serious.”

Minhyuk sighs, and that ruffles Hyungwon’s bangs off his sweat dotted forehead. They’re sprawled on Hoseok’s bed, both their heads resting on Hoseok’s battered pillow, in a very heated staring contest. Minhyuk actually blows him a kiss with his grossly moisturized lips, and Hyungwon looks like he’s considering the troubles of really punching him.

“Nothing wrong with being gay,” Minhyuk says after a moment.

“I am not gay,” Hyungwon says. “I’ve dated girls too.”

“Nothing wrong with having boners for rich old dudes.”

“Do you want to die? Is that what you wish for?”

Minhyuk shrugs. “All I’m saying is that your boyfriend has an impeccable choice for placing hickeys, that is very commendable, I applaud him for leaving out your neck and chest, which are obviously not ideal for your idol life, who would have thought…”

Hoseok looks outside his window and tunes out their voices. The sky is a mixed oil paint of pink and purple, and a little hint of orange in the divide between clouds and sea. Hoseok rolls his tongue along his gums and gets hit with the same metallic aftertaste that will probably never truly dwindle and will cling to the roof of his mouth for the rest of his days.

Hoseok is not thrilled. Twenty six years, and he could’ve never prepared himself for this nightmare of random blood spills and random elongated fatigues that make him so stressed red tiny dots break across the skin of his wrists, down to his calves and ankles. The food issue is a nightmare in and of itself, and if descendants could turn back time and knee their ancestors in the groin, he would happily volunteer to let some of his frustration out, it’s starting to bundle between his shoulder blades.

The arguing comes to a sudden halt. Hoseok turns around to a very sheepish looking Hyunwoo standing by the threshold and holding up familiar stolen car keys.

“Let’s get some ice cream.”

 

 

Hyungwon drives this time.

Hyungwon, who hasn’t shut up from begging the moment Hyunwoo had made the suggestion, _it’s been too long since I last touched the steering wheel, hyung please please please PLEASE,_ and Hyunwoo, like a nice parent with a spoiled brat of a child, immediately conceding and begging him to put a lid on it before Hongsik ruins their night and sends them to the dungeon that is dance studios for more practice.

Minhyuk stayed behind for a vlive episode he promised their fans. Changkyun and Jooheon were already out with some friends to the movies, and Kihyun has been absent the whole day.

“He told me he had something urgent with Mingyu this morning. I called him a couple times and he answered that all was well,” Hyunwoo says from his left.

Hoseok deserves some praise for succeeding in keeping a neutral face.

“Good for him, I hope he’s having fun,” he says, and Hyunwoo frowns a little.

So it’s only three of them in the van, Hyungwon in the driver’s seat, Hyunwoo and Hoseok in the very back seats, Hoseok nodding off and his head landing on Hyunwoo’s shoulder.

“You’re still tired?” Hyunwoo asks, voice soft, a singer named Lana that Hyungwon gushes about 24/7 whispering husky soulful words in his ear. Something about money and power, and glory too, that word definitely means glory, see, his english isn’t so bad.

“Just a little, it’s like my limbs are still dragging through mud, and my head feels heavy on my shoulders,” Hoseok says.

Hyunwoo’s frown turns to a sad downturned pout. “I’m sorry this is happening to you, is there any way to break the curse?”

Hoseok can’t explain this burst of warmth in his veins, these shivers along the back of his skull like tender ghost caresses. Hyunwoo’s woody, earth-after-rain fragrance provides him with the kind of comfort he used to seek from his childhood plushies in purging days, the sight of his mother’s blood still too much, too real for a seven year old. He plays with the hem of Hyunwoo’s coat to give himself something to do.

“I’ve heard of some past attempts, but as far as I know, they were all pointless and unsuccessful since the curse is thousands of years old and no force is strong enough to repel its grip. Nature was _that_ angry.” Hoseok pauses a bit to look up, finds Hyungwon staring at him funnily through the rearview mirror. He looks down and decides to ignore it. “It does get better though, and the purging becomes less frequent and less violent with time, like my mom now only gets hit once a year, and it goes on for five minutes instead of thirty, or a whole hour like that day I called you from my studio.”

“Oh right, that day I almost fainted. I’ve never been so scared before.” Hyunwoo huffs out a laugh. “I seriously, _seriously_ thought we lost you, it was such a horrible feeling I couldn’t bring myself to breathe.”

Hoseok buries his face in Hyunwoo’s shoulder “Oh my god, I’m getting tears in my eyes, Hyunwoo stop.”

“No really, I started thinking about a monsta x with no Hoseok, and the idea was so grim it was hard for me to control my tears.”

Hoseok smiles into Hyunwoo’s shoulder, back unfolding wings and beating somewhere deep in his sternum. His insides feel so airy, filled with floating balloons and confetti launchers.  Without really thinking, he slots fingers with Hyunwoo and squeezes tight they start cramping.

“Ow ow,” Hyunwo yelps. Hoseok eases his hold. “Why do you get aggressive when hit with feelings?”

Hoseok shrugs. “I don’t know, a medium to get them out? My body is too tiny for this beasty thing called ‘emotion’.  My earliest memory was of me bawling my eyes out when my teddy bear lost his eye button and turned into a Cyclops, and my mom fixing it in two minutes to stop me from crying. It was like I lost my own eye, I loved that teddy bear.”

“That’s –that’s adorable.”

Hoseok giggles and leans his head back on Hyunwoo’s shoulder. Their slotted hands land on Hyunwoo’s lap. None of them make the conscious decision to draw back.

He spots Hyungwon mouthing _‘Jesus Christ’_.

 

 

“So, when were you going to tell me you and Hyunwoo hyung are dating?”

Hyungwon couldn’t wait five seconds – _five seconds_ –to let Hoseok drink his water in peace, and now because of him he’s going to choke to death in their company’s bathrooms, not the ideal way, neither the ideal place to go.

He slaps his back, hard.

“You’re not helping,” Hoseok sputters in tears.

“Fine.” Hyungwon starts rubbing his back and the burn in his throat and chest grows less. It takes him a whole minute to fully recover.

“So, you guys are definitely dating,” Hyungwon says, his arms crossed, one eyebrow quirked.

Hoseok keeps ogling. “Did you hit your head when you slipped earlier? I’m pretty sure Kihyun broke your fall with his tiny powerful arms and stopped you from marring the dance studio with your brain matter, just imagine the horror of cleaning that up-”

“Since when?”

Hoseok sighs. It’s nine in the morning and their members are still waiting for them to go through another five hours of practice, but Hoseok’s soles and thighs are already burning in protest, and he’s not sure he’ll manage to pull through till the afternoon. Hyungwon is not making this easy.

“We are not dating,” he says and mirrors Hyungwon’s stance.

“Yesterday, I’ve had the absolute misfortune of being a third wheel, please a minute of silence for our fallen sister, my dignity.” Hyungwon closes his eyes and goes quiet for ten seconds. Hoseok blinks in stupor. “Anyway, I fucking _hated_ third wheeling, you hyungs made me feel the most uncomfortable in my life, it was like watching my own parents being lovey dovey and shit.”

“Wonnie, I’ll sew your mouth shut, we are not dating.”

Hyungwon scoffs. “You sure are good friends then, you even called Hyunwoo when you purged for the first time. I’m absolutely swooning over this wonderfully conventional friendship, the most wholesome Platonic Soulmates there is.”

Hoseok’s lips go rigid. “You sure are a sardonic pile of shit.”

Hyungwon shrugs. “Can’t wait to see you both kissing, platonically of course, don’t forget your No Homo Badge, I’m sure you have it up your ass somewhere. Have a good day, hyung.” He pats his shoulder and saunters off with this bounce in his steps.

Hoseok could kill a man, right now, right there. Hoseok could kill a _Hyungwon_.

 

 

But Hoseok can’t stop thinking about what those words truly entail. Even now, as he melts in a puddle in the center of the floor, his limbs turned to jelly and his heart ticking away in triple speed like a fatal bomb in a metro, Minhyuk napping on his stomach because he loves promiscuity, and he loves making their lives hard, the gem of a best friend he is, god bless his heart. Even now, with his teeth tingling in corrosive acid (hyunwoo could’ve gone a tad easy on them), Hoseok just keeps zoning out, keeps pondering, contemplating, his mind holding its own rock concert, beating loud against his head chambers.

Dating Hyunwoo.

He –never really thought about it. Four years, they’ve been living together for four years, and Hoseok never thought about taking Hyunwoo out with every intention to romance him with cheesy pickup lines and a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of champagne by the sea at one in the morning and a schedule from hell breathing in their ears at five.

Hoseok just. never. thought about it. And not because Hyunwoo doesn’t seem to fit his idea of a significant other. Hoseok hasn’t really been into the dating scene for years (what’s with three hours of sleep and three promotions a year, plus world tours and everything in between, hoseok is surprised he hasn’t shed all his hair (yet)), and never once did he feel compelled to hit a fellow idol or at least answer the couple smitten admirers, women and men alike, he gets on the daily.

Hyunwoo has always been there, beside him, beside them all, his presence comforting and grounding, Hoseok might have taken him for granted. Hoseok might have grown too comfortable with this idea of an always available Hyunwoo that he hasn’t sat down once and properly mulled over what that truly means to him.

Calling Hyunwoo that day felt inevitable, like an ingrained chip in his brain, Hoseok automatically brought up his number and dialed him with ragged breaths and blood tickling the soft skin down his mandible. Telling Hyunwoo about his curse felt just as easy. Talking with Hyunwoo, engaging in low conversations with him, laughing, bickering with him, leaning his head (his heart) on him, every bit of it feels easier than blowing on a dandelion.  

Hoseok looks up and Hyunwoo catches his eye. He smiles. His eyes crinkle. Hoseok could clearly see himself dating fellow member Son Hyunwoo.

 

 

“Oh my god, Hyunwoo feel them, please.” Hoseok takes Hyunwoo’s index finger and guides it up close to his mouth where two sharp things peek in ivory and graze his bottom lip.

“They’re…so smooth,” Hyunwoo laughs in bewilderment.

“They’re teeth.”

“Holy shit Seokkie, you have fangs.”

Hoseok was going to brush his teeth and go through his nighttime skin care routine and take a long warm bath with rosemary and a pinkish bath bomb he randomly picked up from their last visit to Japan. Hoseok had a plan, and now he won’t get to follow through with that plan because the canines finally made their grandiose entrance by growing in two seconds and giving Hoseok the greatest headache of his miserably laughable life. Hyunwoo was, thankfully, just outside the door. Hoseok dragged him inside while ignoring the curious looks Changkyun threw their way.

“This feels weird,” Hoseok says and touches them again. “They’re so sharp.”

“Try impersonating a hungry vampire that was dormant for something close to a thousand years,” Hyunwoo says.

Hoseok tries his best with a snappy jaw and hissing sounds and claw hands. Hyunwoo shakes his head while muttering, ‘too cute, too soft.’

Hoseok tries again, and this time he bites Hyunwoo’s wrist, who just shrugs when his skin dents in two tiny dots.

“What a scam, I thought they’d be sharper,” Hoseok tusks in disappointment.

“Did you want to see blood?”

“I mean, they’re fangs for a reason.”

“Can you try to draw them back? They’re quite visible from a distance.”

It takes Hoseok ten minutes to get them shorter by two millimeters. His head hurts so bad afterwards he almost faints. They sit on the edge of the tub to wait out his lightheadedness.

“Great, that was great, unless you smile really big no one will notice, probably,” Hyunwoo says and puts his arm around Hoseok’s waist.

“You’re asking for the impossible here, Hyunwoo-ssi, you can’t ask me not to smile, that’s my trademark.”

“Okay then giggle with your mouth closed, it’s sweet, monbebe love it.” Hoseok giggles involuntarily and Hyunwoo pokes his right fang. “Nope, that still won’t work.”

“I’ll just say I had them done, that’s very much a thing,” Hoseok says.

They both jump at the loud knock on the door. Hoseok puts a hand over his thundering heart.

“You guys are sure taking your time inside there,” yells an annoying leggy tortoise.

Hoseok takes off his slipper and aims it at the door. “Go eat dirt!”

Hyunwoo laughs so hard he cries.

 

 

Hoseok is clingy and cuddly, and at this point it comes to no one’s surprise when he latches onto Hyunwoo’s arm and begs him to share the bed with him.

“I mean, I just fear for the worst, what if I wake up with tingling fangs that want to bite into something? Hyunwoo, you have a lot of meat on you, I wouldn’t be concerned.”

Hyunwoo snorts, he almost pokes his eyeball while trying to get his contacts out. “Just admit you love me more than the rest, I won’t tell, I promise.”

Hoseok laughs a second late. He squeezes the teddy bear in his hands, heart beating in his ears, eyes tracing Hyunwoo’s back muscles that are merely two feet away. Has his back always been this wide? Was it always like this? Was Hoseok just pushing them down for the sake of genuine camaraderie? How close is _too close_? What sets the bar? Why can’t he stop thinking about kissing his neck? It looks strong, lightly flushed, Hoseok would love to tease his skin with his fangs, maybe try biting him again, a tiny dot of blood–

“Stop thinking, go to sleep,” Hyunwoo says and takes the teddy bear from him. He pushes him down by the shoulders, head landing between silky pillowcases and sheets that still smell of laundry detergent. Hoseok blinks the haze away to focus on the ceiling.

Hyunwoo turns off the lights and takes the spot on his right. It’s a king size bed, so there’s more than enough space for the whole band, and then some. Yoshi and Gucci could join. Manager hyung, too.

Hyunwoo pulls the blankets around them ( _oops sorry, I think I just touched your dick_ ), and the silence that follows grows like cotton in Hoseok’s ears. Because he’s clingy and all members are subject to his affection, Hoseok turns his head to Hyunwoo’s chest and uses Hyunwoo’s arm as his body pillow. He smells like the Jooheon equivalent of a body wash (yes, they’ve talked about this before), something like honey, and maybe lavender. Hyunwoo is so warm.

“Did you snack on coals?”

Hyunwoo chuckles very softly, it feels like a caress. “Why? Am I burning again?”

“Yes, but I don’t mind, my feet are cold like ice.” Hoseok thrusts them under Hyunwoo’s calves. He startles in shivers.

“Oh wow, what poor circulation you have, should eat your veggies,” Hyunwoo says.

Hoseok pouts. “That’s all I eat these days, I can’t even drink smoothies, my once favorite thing in the world, how is this fair?”

“Well, you’ve got fangs, for one, they look great on you.” 

“Thanks, I know.”

Hyunwoo laughs breathily and shifts around so that his mouth faces directly Hoseok’s forehead. Hoseok, for one wishful second, thinks he’ll kiss him there. He has always loved forehead kisses, something intimate and sweet about them that wrenches the breath from him and gives him tingly hands.

There’s some light commotion outside. Kihyun is hissing like a snake, _go to sleep what the fuck are you doing who the fuck cooks crab legs at two in the morning minhyuk I swear to fucking god_ , and minhyuk whispering, _shut your filthy mouth you’ll send us all to hell_.

Hyunwoo’s breathing turns slow and even, his eyes closed, Hoseok swimming in honey and lavender and warmth. Hoseok swimming in something else, maybe.

He kisses Hyunwoo’s collarbones, something that is totally ok in the Monsta’s Book of Friendship (he remembers Jooheon kissing Changkyun’s bare hipbone and no one batting an eye), presses closer to him, attempts holding his hand, succeeds in holding his hand, so easy, being with Hyunwoo is so easy, he’s sliding on melting butter.

“Goodnight, sleep well, don’t punch me in the face while dreaming about your monsters.”

Hoseok closes his eyes, at last.

 

 

It’s in the van, on their way back home from filming a new reality show, that Changkyun confirms his assumptions by gently locking Hoseok’s jaw with one hand and inspecting his teeth with the other. Hoseok startles awake in a darkened car interior with snoozing members. Minhyuk is on his right, eyes big and eerie like a distressed owl.

“Yep, I was right.”

Hoseok makes choking noises. “What are you doing? That’s harassment.”

“Hyung, you should’ve told me about this, I know how to keep secrets,” Changkyun says, kisses his cheek lightly, and lets his hand fall.

Hoseok rubs his eyes, and his aching ribs start immediately rioting. It’s been a very long day. He can feel his bed calling to him and whispering sweet words in his ear. He can’t wait for his head to hit the pillow.

“What are you talking about?” he asks because he genuinely missed half a sentence. Minhyuk starts biting his nails and Hoseok immediately slaps his hand away. “Stop, have mercy on your poor nails.”

“I’m like, starving.”

“How would that help? Wait five minutes, we’ll almost there,” Hoseok says.

“Hyung, you look great with fangs,” Changkyun says.

“Thanks, I know.”

They giggle between themselves and accidently awaken Kihyun, who looks them up grumpily before he turns his head to the window and drools some more.

“I’m surprised you figured it out on your own,” Hoseok says and lays his head back on Changkyun’s shoulder.

He told Minhyuk a week back, when all the blood had drained from his face after barging inside the bathroom and catching Hoseok washing his soiled towels and clothes. He, surprisingly, had taken it well, had even helped him clean up the space once he was done. With Changkyun now in the known, only Jooheon and Kihyun are left.

“My good friend once told me,” Changkyun starts, “He once told me that wine diluted with water helps with the pain a little, just a little though. He tried swallowing flowers and eating grass, because why not, he can no longer eat regular food anyway, so he tried swallowing them and he almost choked and died, the petals got stuck in his throat, the idiot, and there had been an ambulance and chaos and a call for a special doctor from god knows where, and the whole neighbourhood started naming him the flower boy, which is both endearing and insulting because of the connotations behind the word, I felt bad for a minute, but then I laughed so hard I almost peed myself I swear –hyung, asleep already?”

 

 

Yoshi mewls in long calculated intervals, her tummy pushing the soft sound in the dark room and adding notes to the slow song coming from Hoseok’s speakers. Aside from Jooheon, she loves and caters to him the most (changkyun had tried holding her once, and she hissed in his arms and almost scratched his neck. he sulked for a week), grooms him and snuggles into his chest. Hoseok sits on the floor, back leaning on the bed frame, pats her behind the ears and down her neck, her purring so strong but tiny. Hoseok giggles to himself.

Comeback season came with a crash, as it always does, as it always will. The house is in shambles, the members slewed across surfaces for a minute or two, a new day starts in three hours, the schedule from hell is triumphing.

Hoseok stole Yoshi and escaped to his room. He needed a moment to himself, a moment to tidy his clattered head. The stress and distressed energy was eating at him, slitting him open in uncomfortable ways. Kihyun had burned himself earlier while trying to make coffee, and everyone panicked and hooted like it’s a march to battle. It was nothing serious, so Hoseok excused himself and ran the few steps to his room.

In the dark, he keeps patting Yoshi’s coat, methodically almost because sleep is just not attainable for now, and it won’t be for another three hours. Hoseok steels himself in the moment and waves off the annoying bit of overthinking his life choices.

There’s a soft knock on his door. Hoseok doesn’t have to look up, he just knows.

“Hyunwoo-ssi, always a pleasure to see your face again,” Hoseok says and pats the spot beside him. His butt cheeks are starting to burn from sitting for too long, and maybe that’s his tailbone drilling a hole into the floorboards. He’s lost so much weight, his bones are starting to notice.

“If that’s sarcasm, I’m leaving,” Hyunwoo says, but he’s already taking the route to Hoseok’s bed, where he jumps and goes limp. Yoshi startles a little, her purring stutters.

None of them talk for a while, so the [music ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ31pyTZdh0) fills in the silence, the notes gentle and dreamy it would’ve put him to sleep any other night. Hoseok looks up at the ceiling and tries to catch light snoring. Instead, he hears Hyunwoo mumbling to the lyrics, _It's so sweet, knowing that you love me, though we don't need to say it to each other, sweet._

“You know of them?” Hoseok asks. That was–very sweet, indeed.

“Changkyun introduced them to me once. Their songs can be sexual, but it’s a sensual kind of sexual, if you know what I mean.”

Hoseok smiles. “You should do a cover someday, deampop goes so well with your voice Hyunwoo, can you sing more for me?”

And Hyunwoo sings, sings slow, voice so kind on the ears, Hoseok catches himself nodding off. He opens his eyes to Hyunwoo sliding gently beside him. By reflex, Hoseok takes his hand and squeezes the nerves out. Hyunwoo humors him and holds his hand just as tight.

“I’ve been meaning to relay something,” Hyunwoo starts. “It’s confusing though, like a new territory I’ve never been to-” He gets cut off at the tuft of hair peeking from the doorway. Kihyun’s arm is bandaged, and the shirt he has on slides down his shoulder and comes around his bare thighs. Hyungwon’s shirt, most likely.

“What are you doing up?”

Hyunwoo lets go of his hand and shifts a little to the side. Kihyun closes the door behind him and sits in the middle.

“How’s your arm?” Hoseok says and returns to patting Yoshi, his hand lacking warmth.

“It’s fine, didn’t burn that bad. Changkyunnie should’ve been a nurse, he hasn’t stopped nagging at me for being careless.”

“He was just worried, be kind to the boy,” Hyunwoo says.

“Yeah, that was an amateur mistake, how many cups of coffee did you already go through? Why were you making another one in the first place? Why fry your brain when it’s only the first week of promotions?” Hoseok tusks.

“You guys are starting to sound like my parents.”

Hoseok and Hyunwoo smile at each other. They can tell Kihyun expected a bigger reaction.

“So, you and Mingyu?” Hoseok wiggles his eyebrows at him. Kihyun flushes at Hyunwoo’s sudden bursts of laughter.

“Oh my god, Hoseokkie shut up.”

Hoseok shrugs and places Yoshi on his bed. She looks at him with bleary eyes before she goes back to her nap.

“I can’t believe you’ve told everyone,” Kihyun says.

“I haven’t told everyone, it’s only Hyunwoo here, who caught you sneaking out with Mingyu once and I had to convince him you weren’t out to abduct someone, or bury a body.”

Hyunwoo gives him a thumps up. “Mingyu is a good lad, I’m happy for you, Kihyunnie.”

“Jesus, hyung stop, this is so disturbing you sound exactly like my father.”

“How many of us are not straight in this band?” Hoseok asks.

“Well, statistically speaking, one in seven people are gay,” Hyunwoo replies.

Kihyun calculates in his head and frowns. “We’re far exceeding that quota, what the hell? There’s me and Hyungwon, Hoseokkie too, don’t give me that look, no straight dude is that open about their feelings.”

Hoseok pouts.

“Changkyun that dude, I don’t know what he is, he’s weird. Jooheon has never been in a relationship, I don’t think he’s comfortable talking about this. Minhyuk flirts with fire hydrants, he can be anything.” Kihyun turns his head in Hyunwoo’s way. “Hyung, I’m sorry you’ll have to be the token straight.”

Hyunwoo shrugs. “Well, to be fair, I’ve never dated a man, so I see why you would think that.”

Kihyun lifts his eyebrows far up his hairline. “Oooh, been questioning things lately, hyung?”

“All I’m saying is that if there’s a connection, and we’re able to communicate our thoughts and feelings, then that’s all that matters, gender isn’t a deciding factor for me,” Hyunwoo says and catches Hoseok’s eye.

Hoseok’s heart feels like it’s catching fire from the speed it’s been pumping.

That night (or very early morning), he sleeps the remaining two hours with Hyunwoo’s late words tingling in his mind.

 

 

Hoseok might not be a morning person, but he still appreciates Hyunwoo forcing him up for a morning run for the sake of destressing, _you’ve been locked up in your studio for days, get up I’m taking you out._

They run along the bridge and carry off towards the waning dark sky. Hoseok catches a star blazing weakly at the first touches of sunlight before it gets engulfed entirely. It’s cold enough for his nose to go red and a little numb, but Hoseok pushes his legs hard and tries to outrun Hyunwoo.

Hyunwoo takes the bait, catches up with him, races him to the end of the road and back, and when they stop, Hoseok almost goes plummeting to the ground from dizziness and a serious lack of oxygen. Hyunwoo slides to his knees, hand clinging onto the rails. “You’re a fool, should’ve never provoked me,” he gasps.

“Shut up, I won,” Hoseok retorts.

“You did not, that was a clear tie.”

They decide to walk home because Hoseok’s lungs are raw and maybe bleeding, the burn in his chest is acute and annoying. Hyunwoo promises to cook him vegetable soup and Hoseok skips down the streets from blinding happiness.

“You’re like, my favorite person in the world, I hope you know that,” Hoseok says.

“Seokkie, it’s just soup.”

“A _Homemade soup_ , do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had something like that in my system? My body is singing in relief, open your ears, hear the winds, this is a great day, we’re winning the lottery tonight.”

Hyunwoo shifts his eyes down, clear fondness in their midst. Hoseok resists holding hands with him. They’re so warm, so big and calloused, so perfect, Hoseok wants to hold his hand so bad. Hoseok might cry if he doesn’t hold his hand.

“Wonho hyung? Shownu hyung?”

They halt when a boy around eighteen, or maybe nineteen, looks at them with bright eyes, his dog, a big Australian shepherd, circling their legs and barking in excitement, Hoseok grows heart eyes.

“That’s a very cute dog you have, can I pat it?”

The boy takes a while to respond, obviously still in shock. Hoseko guesses he knows of them – _duh_ –Hoseok guesses he’s a fan when he goes into gushing mode. It’s the most endearing thing ever.

“I know I’m a boy, I’m so sorry for making you uncomfortable, you’re not used to this-”

Hyunwoo stops him there. “Nope, don’t say that, all monbebes are wonderful, I thought Hoseo-Wonho has made that clear enough.”

The boy blushes in his sleeve, and Hoseok steps forward and says, “I’m a little sweaty, but would you like a hug?”

Fireworks pop in his eyes. “Yes, oh god, yes absolutely.”

He gets his hugs from them, and Hoseok gets to pat the dog and swoon when it gives him a handshake. They take a picture together and say goodbye to him, and Hyunwoo says, “I think we’ve just made his day, I saw him crying.”

Hoseok laughs. It’s lovely, meeting fans, it always is. Hoseok feels gratefulness bubbling in his intestines.

“Anyway, my soup, let’s go home.” He clings to the sleeve of Hyunwoo’s jacket with the ‘ _my legs hurt please I need the assistance_ ’ excuse.

 

 

A week later, the house goes into panic.

Correction: Kihyun goes into panic.

In retrospect, Hoseok should’ve kept to his room that day. His guts carried a dead weight the whole time, foreign dread like nothing he’s had to deal with filling his throat, murky and unpleasant like blight.

Hoseok’s throat was dry, so he headed to the kitchen to get some water and to move his pained joints from too much inactivity.

Kihyun was there as well, cooking for fun, something he hasn’t been able to do much of in recent times. Hoseok stared at the glass noodles and chopped kimchi and said, “That looks great.”

Kihyun nodded in satisfaction and turned around, but the look of complete horror took Hoseok off guard. He felt something wet trailing down his chin, dripping in silent taps against floorboards. More was coming, bright red like poppy flowers.

Hoseok sits now spitting up blood in the harsh lights of the bathroom, where Hyunwoo comes to find him with a pile of towels, same as last time. He crouches and rubs his back. Hoseok retches and whimpers.

“Just as bad?”

Hoseok shakes his head. “No, no, it doesn’t hurt as much, but my fangs have grown, I cut my tongue.” He pauses when he feels another rise of nausea. “How’s Kihyun doing?”

Hyunwoo drops the towels to fully support Hoseok’s weight. “He’s calmed for now, Minhyuk and Hyungwon are talking with him so it should be fine. I called Changkyun. He told me he’s going to talk with Jooheon, too. No need for you to keep hiding this.”

“I’m sorry,” Hoseok says, “I’m so sorry, I should’ve have known something was wrong with me this morning.”

“It’s okay, Kihyun understands,” Hyunwoo says softly and brings a towel to Hoseok’s chin to wipe some of the dripping blood. The dots travel down his arm and mar his white sleeve, but Hyunwoo is hardly fazed, his hands far too gentle for something of this nature.

“Aren’t you squeamish?” Hoseok asks after more blood spills out, “This, all of this, is so freaky I’m surprised you stick with me the whole time.”

A small smile tugs at Hyunwoo’s lips. “I’m not that squeamish, I used to get injured a lot as a child, my knees were always bleeding. This is fine Hoseok, I promise.”

Hoseok nods solemnly through another thirty minutes. Hyunwoo never leaves his side.

 

 

The next day, after Hoseok wakes up from his twenty four hours slumber, Kihyun punches his shoulder first, and then hugs him, and then cries. “You’re so stupid hyung, you should’ve told me.”

Jooheon joins too, hugs him so tight Hoseok starts wheezing.

They sit in the living room, all seven of them together, and Hoseok talks all about whatever weird curse he’s inherited from his mother’s side. Kihyun keeps poking at his fangs.

Coincidently, Hyungwon brings up his relationship with this forty five year old man (all the while glaring at Hoseok) and Jooheon drains of all colors. Hyungwon gently slaps his cheek to bring him back, _honey I’m sorry please close your mouth you could swallow a fly_.

Changkyun and Minhyuk give Hyungwon knowing looks, and he almost flips them off in a family friendly setting.

Hyunwoo nods at Kihyun, who just shakes his head and mouths _‘_ maybe another time’.

They talk for hours and open up to each other, a ritual at this point in the Monsta’s Household, but then one of the managers comes and shoos them to their rooms, tomorrow starts as early as five, _go get some sleep you kids make me want to retire at thirty five jesus christ._

Anyway, moral of the story: never keep a secret from your bros. not worth the hassle.

 

 

Hoseok makes a detour to the door and takes the stairs in hurried steps, shoes in hands to muffle the sound.

Hyunwoo is already outside by the entrance, his back to him, a scarf wrapped twice around his neck, warding off the gentle night breeze that Hoseok gets hit with the moment he steps outside. He shivers in his oversized hoodie and drops his shoes to the asphalt. Hyunwoo notices, lends him an arm to steady him while Hoseok slips his shoes on.

“You’re sure you didn’t wake anyone up?” Hyunwoo asks.

“Yep, I was as silent as a mouse.”

“Good, let’s go.”

Their destination? Nowhere, really. Hoseok was dormant for a day, and he needed to move his limbs and shake off the fatigue. Hyunwoo offered his company and Hoseok jumped on the occasion like squirrels to acorns.

“That’s very sweet of you, thank you Hyunwoo-ssi, I can’t do ghosts well,” Hoseok says and hops to catch up with him.

“Ghosts?” Hyunwoo looks around him, finds silent buildings and flickering neon signs. “I don’t think this place is haunted, if it were Jooheon wouldn’t spend another day here.”

Hoseok chuckles and bumps his shoulder into Hyunwoo. They walk for minutes in silence, and Hoseok’s throat itches differently from yesterday. He almost walks into a garbage bin when Hyunwoo pulls him back at the last second.

“Something got you distracted?” 

Hoseok shakes his head and begs the cold breeze to slap him harder. “Sorry, I’ve just been thinking.”

“A penny for your thoughts?” Hyunwoo smiles at him. It’s lovely. Hyunwoo has a very lovely smile.

Hoseok finds himself nodding. “You know, Hyungwon asked me this once, we were in the dance studios, and he followed me to the bathrooms. He was standing tall as a street lamp, and he said ‘when were you going to tell me you and hyunwoo hyung are dating?’, and I responded ‘we’re not dating, what are you talking about?’ but he didn’t believe me, got annoyed and left. I’ve been thinking about it since.”

Hyunwoo hums.

“I just found myself wondering about the nature of our relationship,” Hoseok continues, “How much is friendship? how much is more than friendship? Why do I see myself dating you? Something to that effect.”

Hoseok swallows through the thorns in his throat. He has never mentioned any of this to anyone before, not even the diary he scribbles religiously his thoughts in. It’s a future altering decision to make, because before anything, Hyunwoo is his bandmate, and they’re bound to the company’s contract for another three years. He’s threading carefully through this. He wouldn’t want to disrupt the team’s dynamic.

Hyunwoo’s easy smile puts all his worries to a permanent stop. He reaches for his hand. “Remember what I said that day with Kihyun in the room?” he asks, and it comes out in almost a whisper.

Hoseok nods. “I like to think you had me in mind when you said those words, but I wouldn’t want to be too optimistic. I’m a helpless romantic, I thought we’ve settled this long ago.”

Hyunwoo laughs. “Oh yeah, I do remember you got me red roses for my birthday last year which, according to my meager knowledge in flower symbolism, are the classical way of saying ‘I love you’. It was nice, I’m sorry I couldn’t keep them alive for long.”

“It’s fine, I can always get you new roses, with the same meaning, of course.”

Hyunwoo kisses his temple, twice, most tenderly, whispers in his ear, _I love you Seokkie_ , and Hoseok tries not to collapse from jelly bones. They walk by the thin trail of the river bank, the night loud, Hoseok’s pulse louder when Hyunwoo kisses him, teases his fangs with his tongue and chuckles when Hoseok nibbles at his lower lip.

“Yep, you got scammed. They don’t feel as sharp as they look.”

Hoseok grins, brings him down for another kiss, drinks in honey and lavender and melts immediately in his arms.

They go home, and Hyunwoo sings for him,

_It's so sweet, knowing that you love me,_

_though we don't need to say it to each other, sweet._

“I’d like to find a cure with you,” he says after he gives Hoseok another forehead kiss. “I’d like to find a way to break the curse with you. Would you mind the assistance?”

Hoseok props himself up, kisses Hyunwoo’s neck, teases him with his teeth, skin almost breaking under the pressure. “No, it’s just, it could take years, decades even, or maybe the curse could never lift off. Would you stick with me that long, Hyunwoo?”  

Hyunwoo smiles and kisses the answer across his mouth. Hoseok makes a mental note to buy later a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of champagne.  

 

 ...♡


End file.
